The questions usually begin with Andrew's coworkers. "Isn't it about time for another one?" Or "Kristi isn't pregnancy again is she?!" One coworker recently told him that we should stop making children and start fostering or adopting instead. I don't know why she felt like that was her suggestion to make... But she put it out there nevertheless. It seems everyone has an opinion on our procreative ways. But I digress.
A few months ago I ran across a question on a Facebook page that said, "In an ideal world, I would have _______ number of children." Neither Andrew or I knew how to respond. We never had a plan for how many kids we wanted... I guess we still don't. In the Natural Family Planning world, you're either considered "Trying to Conceive" or "Trying to Avoid." But other than a few months after William was born when we needed to wait for health reasons, we've always just been "Trying to Whatever." Which for us meant, if we get pregnant, awesome... If we don't... awesome. It was all in His hands.
But that brings me to today. I'm not sure how I feel about TTW these days. I actually might not quite be ready to add to our family just yet. If I found myself pregnant today, I wouldn't be sad by any means, but I would definitely be overwhelmed. For some reason, four children has seemed like a whole lot more than three children. And while I think I would like to meet another little U kid one day, I'm not sure I'm mentally ready to tackle pregnancy and postpartum all over again just yet. Not to mention trying to figure out how to haul 5 kids around or find a babysitter every other month for 5 kids. Or how to trek 5 children across country on all our random road trips. Or feed them. Discipline them. Teach them. Parent them. Yipes.
A question I like to ask mommas who are a bit older than me is "How did you know when you were done?" Most of them tell me that they just had peace knowing said child was the last. And some say they just consider said child the last "for now," always leaving that door open just a bit in case God has other plans.
But right now I don't know where I stand. And Andrew is uber understanding about that. If U4 was the last, he's okay. If we're called to have and blessed with some more... That's okay too. The whole idea that she might be our last is very foreign to me because I've never felt the need before to step back and go, "Woah... I'm not feeling mentally, physically, psychologically or spiritually ready to plug down this road again right now." So I'm sitting with that. I'm trying to discern... with Andrew... The whens and ifs of another baby.
Being "done" seems so final to me and I'm pretty sure I'm not ready to say that just yet, but I'd love to hear other parent's thoughts on this. How do you know when you've produced the number of people you were intended to produce? Do you ever know for sure?
I always knew I was meant to be a mommy, and after Nora I always thought of how we weren't complete, but we were lucky she was pretty awesome. Now, with Daniel, it does feel like the missing piece of our family is finally here. If another baby came, I would be happy, but if one doesn't, I feel pretty great with what we've got.
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I can tell you that we're done because, as much as another child would, eventually, make us happy (I was miserable toward the end of the second trimester and most of the third with Henry so birth would bring that) both Nick and I know that we just can't handle more for a LOT of reasons. After I had Henry, I really considered trying to convince Nick that we could and should have a third, because he's such a joy and I am sad to think I won't get to be pregnant again or meet another little one for the first time again, etc.. But when I think about the things we want to do with/for our children (that some might call selfish reasons, I suppose) I am fairly certain a third would hinder that. There are also some health reasons, since at the end of each pregnancy I was in higher danger of preeclampsia than the one before, etc. And there are other health reasons (psychologically) that I won't get into here, but are definitely part of the equation. I'm still a bit sad and bittersweet that we won't be having more, because it's such a finality, but I also know it's the right decision for us. I hope that helps. I hate to be one of those people that are all nosy about it but I do have to admit to waiting for another announcement from you :-) I will try to curtail it.
ReplyDeleteI have a friend that posted a picture on facebook with her two boys and all their gear they required during travel. I posted something about not missing those days and she said that she is looking forward to the day when so many items aren't needed to travel and that's how her and her hubby know they are done at two. I thought that was pretty neat.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Kathleen about being able to provide certain items for each child and taking that into consideration - something I would not have thought of on my own.
Whatever you decide - whatever He decides - you two are lucky to have the family you've created and your children are uber lucky to have picked you two for parents!
I've always wondered the same. How do you ever really know? I've also heard the same, "you'll know" but I go back and forth. While I'd be so happy for another little one, I have some of thr same feelings as Katie. It's hard being a girl, haha, so many emotional things to decide upon. Especially because I really, really love babies and being pregnant. (:
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