I just read an article on how the most difficult part of using Natural Family Planning is not learning the method or using it correctly, but rather is the decision made between a husband, wife and God about when it's okay to delay pregnancy. The article points out the Church doesn't give us a specific list of grave reasons... She barely even gives us guidelines. But the reason the Church is so vague is so that we are left to keep the discussion with each other and with our Lord an open one. But really, avoiding pregnancy has never been something that Andrew and I have even really needed to discuss.
Having three babies in 5 years has been an incredible experience for us. It's awesome to have our kids so close in age, and I really love that we're growing into what most people these days would consider a "big family." And if my pregnancy with Will had gone as smoothly as the first two went, I'm quite sure we would have continued that pattern of family growth at least until we had the 5 kids that Andrew says will "fill up the station wagon".
But, it's different this time.
After everything that went down with baby Will (more about that here) I guess I'm just a little scared. I absolutely want more babies. I just don't want them right this minute. And I'm not super sure how my body is going to accept another pregnancy. After the placenta previa, emergency vertical c-section, and miraculously cured accreta, what am I to expect from pregnancy number four? And how long do we wait before my body will be ready to gestate again? And at what point after the standard "year to 18 months after a csection" do I have to admit that I cannot let fear control when we try again?
I guess it goes back to that conversation with God. He definitely taught me to trust him this past year, so I suppose that's what I've got to keep on doing. He's never let me down before. So whether its 1 year, 2 years, or 3 or more years, it's all really up to Him, and I've just got to trust that He'll let Andrew and I know when the time is right.