For all the single ladies

I really don't know the answers.  I only pretend to.  In fact, what is to follow might just be gobblygook that I pulled out of thin air... but you're still welcome to read it and adopt it as your own if you like.

Now that we've covered my credentials, let's get down to business. I've always been a little preoccupied with how men and women interact (case in point - the speech I did on "Flirting" back in high school), and I am fascinated by all things "relationship" or "almost relationship" or "wanna-be relationship".  I love the Bachelor/Bachelorette.  I totally dig living vicariously through the lives of my single friends.  If I could go back to college and pick any topic to study, it would hands down be human interactions of some sort.  Sometimes I even fancy myself to be the next Dear Abby or Ask Annie....

So to all you singletons in the world (especially the girls, because the male-mind is impossible to understand), I have three basic suggestions to you to alleviate some of the confusion that tends to surround all types of men-women relationships.  Here they are in no particular order.

1) THE KEY IS COMPLETE AND UTTER STRAIGHTFORWARD HONESTY.
While flirting is fun for the first few interactions you have with a certain someone, there comes a point, when it's just time to get your feelings out there without any pretense.  Let's be honest--guys aren't so great at "taking a hint".  Half the time you are flirting with them, they either aren't seeing it, or they are choosing not to see it.  So why waste your precious flirting energy any longer?  Just stop the madness, catch the boy off to the side, and say "Look, I'm not sure if you're aware of this or not, but I really dig you... and if ever there is the same interest from your end, I would happily say yes if you asked me on a date."  Then turn yourself around and march right back into the throws of whatever social event you are attending. 

Pro's of this method: You're no longer left wondering "Does he like me?  Would he date me?  Does he know I like him?  Is he just scared of rejection?"
Cons of this method:  You know the answers to those questions (even if they might be negative), so you may realize that all your dreams of your 6 beautiful children living in a nice home and taking vacations at the Ozarks each summer with this fellow as the wonderful Papa and Husband are really just that - imaginings. But at least you can pluck a new fellow into that spot now... right?

2)  FORGET THE CODE.  FIVE YEARS FROM NOW IT WON'T MATTER ANYWAY.
You know how there's that unwritten code that you're not supposed to "go after" the same guy that your friend has dibs on?  I means she's liked him for 3 years... it just wouldn't be RIGHT of you to go on a date with him.  I think there's two sides to this story.  Point A: I think the code is valid if you actually are persuing a guy that your friend has a crush on.  That's pretty underhanded and wrong of you.  I mean, she's your bestie.  She's seen you through thick and thin.  She has been mooning over this silly guy for a long time, and out of respect for her, you just shouldn't ACTIVELY flirt with him.  On the other hand, Point B:  If that guy asks you out, and you actually sorta like him, I think you have to say "yes."  It might not be a terrible idea to talk this out with your friend first.  But neither of you know for sure God's master plan, and it might just be that you're meant to be with him even if she wants to be with him.  I have two concrete examples of this exact situation that occurred in my own life.  And now I've got two best friends married to the guys that God intended them to be with.  And, guess what?  It's all good.  

Pro's of this:  People who are supposed to be together don't have to deal with stupid roadblocks like the "bro over hoe" code.
Cons of this:  It can put some serious strain on friendships in the short term.  But over the long term, if the friendships were any good to start out with, they will survive and possibly be even stronger.

3)  WHEN YOU HAVE YOUR ANSWER, JUST LET HIM GO... OR KISS HIM.
So you're the girl who has done the previous two things:  You've crushed on this guy for years.  You've been obvious and vocally honest about your feelings for him.  But he's just not getting it.  Guess what?  This advice sucks... but it's time to let it go.  Though I don't know much about guys, one thing that I'm fairly certain of is that if they are truly interested in a relationship with you, and you've made it clear to them that you want the same thing, they will make it happen.  If they don't, then they really aren't interested.  And, in my mind, there's only two good ways to "let it go."  The first - Just walk away.  Don't spend time together anymore.  Give yourself some space so you can recover from the crush and open your eyes to one of the other 40 million single men in the United States.   The second - just kiss him. Yes. That's right.  Haul off and kiss that guy.  Maybe his hangup is the stupid, and usually lie-filled excuse of, "We'll lose our friendship."  Um... hello, dumb boy, a marital relationship is based on friendship....  So show him you can be both.  Friend and Beloved.  And if he doesn't get it then... just leave him be. He is not the guy for you.

Pros of this method:  If you choose option two, you might finally get to kiss that cute fellow that you've been mooning over.
Cons of this method:  You're quite possibly ending a relationship that has been a fairly large portion of your life.  Whether that portion was a friendship or just a really sweet fairytale up in your imagination... it's time to let it go, and there will be tears, depression and ice cream to follow.  But soon, the process will start all over again and you'll keep having fun until Mr. Right For You finally shows up. (where is that guy anyway??)

So there you have it from my point of view.  Too often, I think, people get all hung up in the "what ifs" and "what thens" and just forget to live.  I say you drop the games. Stop guessing when you really don't know.  And get on with your life.  There's too much fun and joy to be had out there to let these questions put your life on hold any longer.

And that's all I have to say about that.

Hugs in Heaven

So I'm pretty disappointed in myself for not keeping at this new blog. That was, after all, my main motivation for creating a new one--so that I'd actually write on it. Oh well... So it goes.

Things in our house have been pretty run-of-the-mill as of late. We hosted our first Faspa a few Sundays ago, and it was super duper fun. I baked Zwieback rolls fom scratch (did you all know that I can cook?)! I mean it took me by surprise, but I can bake and cook and create dishes like crazy... And I really enjoy it! I suppose I should have realized this long ago because I grew up with a momma who could bake with the best of them. But I never had enough electives in high school to take home ec so I just figured I couldn't be a kitchen wiz.

Speaking of wizzing in the kitchen, we are finally making the push to potty-train Vincey. He's two and a half, and Andrew and I are totally getting sick of changing two sets of diapers, so we're hoping he gets it down soon. I'm still not clear on whether we're to teach him to stand up or sit down, because he's so short that both ways seem a bit inconvenient...

On a totally different topic, we went a big party at my SNL's farm over Memorial Day, and I'm relatively certain that childbirth has taken away my party gene. It was a very strange experience for me because I could totally tell that it was a fun party, but somehow it wasn't fun to me. Part of it probably had to do without the fact that I was afraid one of my kids was going to get run over by a car... Or a cow... Or a tractor... whilst they were running about the farm. I think the next time we hit a C&J party, we'll plan on being kidless and see if I get my gene back. How did Stella get her groove back? (okay, admittedly I've never seen that movie and really have no idea what it is about... So I apologize if that made no sense)

Hmmm.. I would say that was a fairly stream of consciousness blog, so I'm gonna call it quits... But I leave you with this:

In Church today I was pondering how AWESOME it would be to give Jesus a hug and tell him "Thank you". And though I'm fairly terrified of dying still... I think that I most look forward to that. A big squishy hug from the Lord. :)

A Friendly Manitoba Vacation

For as long as I've known Andrew, he's always told me of his dream to move to Canada.  "Canada?!" I would say... "It's cold...  It's far away... Our family is here... Why would we do that?!"  But thanks to our vacation up North this week, I will never ask that question again.  Andrew has always argued for the health care benefits, the way they govern, and how we would get paid monthly stipends for our kids.  He never mentioned that I would fall in love with the people, the customs and the way of life.  He didn't tell me that I would find family there. And now I understand. Steinbach, Manitoba truly is a new home away from home for us, and I already miss it a little.

Granted, road tripping to a destination over a thousand miles away with a preschooler, toddler, and infant in tow is not all roses.  And Andrew-sweet hubby that he is-has this weird thing for taking "the road less traveled", so it's not like we were cruising on interstate the whole trip.  I think these two videos will help explain a bit...

1)  On our way through South Dakota, we encountered a little bit of flooded land... okay 2 and a half miles of flooded land.  I prayed most of the way through this scary encounter, but toward the end, I figured we had to get some video or no one would believe me just how bad it was...

 

2)  The thirteenth hour on the road... Watch, and you'll understand.

 

But upon arriving, and we did make it in a mostly-sane state, we began an AMAZING vacation.  The first two days were spent staying with our Holdeman Mennonite family.  No radio, no tv, no computers.  Just some delicious made-from-scratch food and a whole lot of great and Godly conversations.  We spent one evening cracking pecans around the dinner table and discussing politics while the kiddos (and a few adults) made Lego creations in the living room.  Another day I asked lots of questions and learned all about Holdeman Mennonite weddings.  Their culture and faith is SO interesting.  And despite the disparities in our lifestyles, we were made to feel so at home with them.  The peace that pervaded their household was evident in how easily Mia and Vince went to sleep our first night there and how many awesome naps we all took. I slept for 3 hours one day!

On Saturday evening we packed up our stuff and headed 4 miles down the road to begin the second part of our Canadian vacation.  At Uncle Orlan's house we encountered yet some more amazing food, but also a house filled to the brim with love and joy.  It began with an "Andrew is back in town... Let's celebrate!" BBQ.  Besides meeting some incredible new people, one of the highlights of the evening for me was watching the two cultures... those of  Holdeman and non Holdeman Mennonites... mix together.  Again, there were great differences in mannerisms and practices, and yet they were all family and so the love shown through.  Andrew and I became fast friends with a couple about our age, Andrew and Mindy.  And Mia and Vince found best buddies in their kiddos - Aidan and Dakota.  On Sunday the weather was beautiful enough to truck them all to the park for some play time.  Our Canadian family teased us for never having heard of ketchup chips or smarties,  (And their smarties are NOT the same as our smarties), so they made sure we were well stocked for our trip home.  My impression of Ketchup Chips was YUMYUM!  But Smarties were just weird M&M's (Sorry, Mindy... they were kinda odd).

The final evening in Canada was capped off with our very first Faspa.  Apparently Faspa is a low German word referring the the 5 o'clock meal on Sundays.  It was yet another stellar meal filled with homemade buns, fruit preserves, honey butter, ham and more!  And whomever from the neighborhood, family, friend, or both that wanted to come, just came on in and pulled up a seat.  After Faspa, we all sat on the back patio around a fire watching the kids play in the backyard and talking.  Orlan mentioned to us that he sees his home as a lighthouse.  It is for anyone who needs it whenever they need it.  Andrew and I have decided that our home must become a lighthouse as well and we'll be kicking off our first Faspa in a few weeks.

Bright and early Monday morning, we enjoyed one last quick breakfast with Orlan and Sharon, and then we had to say our goodbyes.  I never imagined how difficult that was going to be.  With tears in our eyes and love in our hearts, we settled in for the long drive home.  Oh Canada... you're not my home and native land, but I think I wouldn't mind too much if you were.

JP2 We Love You!!

On the morning of July 28th, 2002 and I had an encounter with the late Pope John Paul II that I will never forget.  Along with hundreds of thousands of young pilgrims from all over the world, I had come to Toronto, Canada for World Youth Day.  And the experience was one I will cherish my entire life.

It was the final day of the World Youth Day event.  We were tired... we were dirty... we were soaking wet.  As is the tradition for WYD's, we had hiked for miles to get to the place of the final Mass the day before and then camped there overnight after the vigil celebration.  But the weather was not friendly to us at all. 

For the majority of the night it misted very cold rain upon all of us.  The wind was howling and blowing the giant glow lights all about.  We had tarps and sleeping bags, but it seemed no matter how we covered up or adjusted, somehow the rain just kept getting in.  We awoke in the morning to the same weather... chilly, windy, gray.  Despite the dreariness, this was the last day we would be with our Holy Father, and we tried to remain cheery.  Pope John Paul II's helicopter flew in and he traveled in his Pope-mobile through the crowds all the way up to the stage.

Even though we were never very close (in proximity) to this man, his presence was so powerful and pervasive.  It felt like we were shaking his hand the entire week whenever he would come for an event.  And the final Mass would prove no different.  As the Pope approached the front of the stage and began Mass, we pilgrims bowed our heads and began Mass as well.  And then it happened, more suddenly than you could imagine, the clouds parted... and out came the warm and beautiful sun.  And what I'll never forget was what our dear Pope said to us.  "It looks as if the Son has come to join us."  The crowd erupted in cheers.  We were able to remove our jackets and sweatshirts.  Our clothes began drying...we were warming up... and by the end of Mass, you would have barely known that we had been drenched and miserable just an hour or two previously.  The Son had joined us... as he does for every Mass.  But on this special day, with 750,000 of my peers, we felt him exteriorly instead of just interiorly.  AMAZING.



Happy Beatification Weekend, John Paul II. I really do love you!

John Paul the Great, Pray for Us.

A Doc like That

So the past year or two have been a major wakeup call for me when it comes to matters of health. When I was pregnant with Vince, I began experiencing some seriously disturbing symptoms. It began with panic attacks early in my pregnancy. I remember my first one... We were driving home late one night after a dinner party, and I suddenly became very tingly. I then started to shiver (like whole-body shivers) and it continued for almost 30 minutes.

Throughout my pregnancy with Vince, I just felt "weird". There was an entire day when my legs and hands were tingling, but I just chalked it up to being pregnant and tried to forget about it.

Then after I had Vince, it got WAY worse. Most of my family would tell you that I was just struggling with post partum anxiety that manifested itself as hypochondria. But I'm pretty sure it was more than that. One day I was sitting in my office at work eating an apple and I had this strange sensation that a knot in my throat shot up my spine and into my head. I was always googling things like "head pressure" and "face tingling". I couldn't fall asleep at night because I felt weird and I was always worried I'd wake up in a panic attack. I was exercising like crazy and losing lots of weight and still I felt terrible.

I started cutting all kinds of things out of my diet... Sugar and fake sugar, all sugar, breads, dairy, non organic anything... all kinds of stuff... but I never stuck with it long enough to be sure what was causing my problems. And, finally, by the grace of God, I started feeling better about nine months after Vince was born. Feeling better happened to coincide with me returning to work full time. It also coincided with post partum depression going away and me cutting soy out of my diet... So who knows why it went away.

But a little over a year ago the weirdness began to return. And I'd had quite enough of going to see my doc only for her to tell me it was anxiety and suggest anti-depressants for the bazillionth time, so I did something different.

I went to a chiropractor. Gasp! But you know what? She actually believed me when I told her my weird symptoms. And she recommended some diet changes and to start taking some supplements, because it was pretty obvious to her that my body was aching for nutrients. And why wouldn't it be? Since the first week of my marriage when I became pregnant with Mia, there has not been a day that I haven't been feeding another human being in addition to myself. I've been pregnant or nursing for 5 years straight people! That's bananas!

So I listened to her. And I feel about 400% better. No post partum depression. No panic attacks (except after days when I've poisoned my body with lots of fake sugar). No weird tingling feelings. There's still a few odd things happening, but we're working on them. My chiropractor, instead of making me believe I was crazy, actually realized that I had legitimate symptoms that were not all in my head.

And here's my beef. Being so predisposed to hypochondria as I have been my whole life, I'm just not able to forego modern medicine all together... But I REALLY REALLY wish there was an MD out there who would employ ALL kinds of techniques for healing rather than just drugs. Treat the problem, not the symptoms. Listen to me and my symptoms and don't automatically lump me into the "she's suffering from a mental disorder" group just because you can't figure out why I feel the way I do. Anyone know where I can find a doc like that?

It's different this time.

I just read an article on how the most difficult part of using Natural Family Planning is not learning the method or using it correctly, but rather is the decision made between a husband, wife and God about when it's okay to delay pregnancy. The article points out the Church doesn't give us a specific list of grave reasons... She barely even gives us guidelines. But the reason the Church is so vague is so that we are left to keep the discussion with each other and with our Lord an open one. But really, avoiding pregnancy has never been something that Andrew and I have even really needed to discuss.

Having three babies in 5 years has been an incredible experience for us. It's awesome to have our kids so close in age, and I really love that we're growing into what most people these days would consider a "big family."  And if my pregnancy with Will had gone as smoothly as the first two went, I'm quite sure we would have continued that pattern of family growth at least until we had the 5 kids that Andrew says will "fill up the station wagon".

But, it's different this time.

After everything that went down with baby Will (more about that here) I guess I'm just a little scared. I absolutely want more babies. I just don't want them right this minute. And I'm not super sure how my body is going to accept another pregnancy. After the placenta previa, emergency vertical c-section, and miraculously cured accreta, what am I to expect from pregnancy number four? And how long do we wait before my body will be ready to gestate again? And at what point after the standard "year to 18 months after a csection" do I have to admit that I cannot let fear control when we try again?

I guess it goes back to that conversation with God. He definitely taught me to trust him this past year, so I suppose that's what I've got to keep on doing. He's never let me down before. So whether its 1 year, 2 years, or 3 or more years, it's all really up to Him, and I've just got to trust that He'll let Andrew and I know when the time is right.

What's in a name?

So I agonized over what to name my new project for months... Well at least days... Okay maybe hours, but it seemed like a long time. And how did I end up with "Chasing Cherubim"?

I wanted a name to sum up my life. And I wanted something catchy. But wouldn't you know that there about a billion other mommy bloggers out there, so everything I first came up with was "sorry, that blogname is already in use".

But then I decided that raising my three little beauties, especially on crazy days, can basically be equated to chasing angels. They may drive me bananas, but I love them so much and think they're the best kids around. I imagine this blog will be a lot about them, and thus it became "Chasing Cherubim".